Pathetic men and why we love them
Oh well...
Good evening dear gentle readers. It’s been 2 weeks since I last posted anything. My apologies, but this girl is trying to graduate. I’ve been popping on notes a few times though so I guess that counts. Final year is draining. I’ve been to class a ridiculous amount of times this week, woke up at ungodly hours to study for tests. I think I’ve lost about 5kgs this week. At least one of my goals is coming to pass, A win is a win.
If you’re usually as chronically on the internet as I am, you’ve seen people say, bring back the romance, the 90s romance, which as a 2003 baby, missed on that. This week, I’ve been asking a couple of my friends some questions on dating, on whether they are/are dating lover boys, nonchalant men or toxic men. And all I can say based on most of their answers, fear men y’all. Okay, just kidding.
One of the guys, lets call him E for the sake of his safety in case one day I get famous and you all troll him on the internet. So I popped the question asking him, “So, are you a nonchalant guy or a lover boy.” He gave me this huge smile and said, “Of course I am a Lover boy.” What was going through my mind when he told me this was how he sends this girl long ass paragraphs, or buys her cute thoughtful gifts or leave her sticky notes by her bedside, spends some time cooking for her, taking her out on walks, because what else would you think when a 21 year old guy tells you he’s a lover boy? Turns out I was very wrong. E proceeded to tell me how the previous night he slapped his girlfriend because she flipped out over something. I asked why she flipped out and he answered confidently saying, “I don’t know, didn’t ask.” Uum, excuse me, what happened to, “hey babygirl, whats bothering you, whats making you act like that, are we okay or something?” He went ahead and told me how he cheated on the girl not once, not twice, countless times. How he enjoys cheating but feels guilty later.
I was more disgusted when he told me of a girl he had met less than a day after breaking up with the girl and wants to sleep with her. A few minutes later, the slapped girl came running back into her arms. The toxic cycle continues. I don’t think any of the guys I talked to understand the meaning of lover boy, and not the one in the dictionary, because they all went on to say something like, “but I cheated on her, I kissed another girl though, but I didn’t cheat, I saw this girl yesterday and my mission right now is to sleep with her, I slapped, almost slapped, beat her up because I can’t tolerate bullshit.” Okay I’ve got to ask, Is this normal?
Another guy, O, is the complete opposite of E. He is a nonchalant guy. The shocking part is, he admits that he is nonchalant, claiming he has no emotions, he buried them in kindergarten. (The things men say) So, I popped the question, “Are you nonchalant or a Lover boy.” He said very confidently, “nonchalant.” He went on and on about how he’s not an emotions guy and how he doesn’t like relationships, and has no time for girls because girls like being chased and he’s not a chaser, he’d rather the girl goes to him. Well, he lied, we’ve all seen him chase some girl he’s crazy about. He blames his ‘nonchalance’ all on his upbringing, but we’re 20-year-olds, are we still doing that, aren’t we trying to find ways to help ourselves. He went on and said on occasions that he actually really likes a girl, he is pretty sweet and he is kind of flirty in a sweet way and is super caring and shows love, but once the girl takes the bait and they are in a relationship, well, he goes to be this emotionless person, no texts, no calls, no I love yous, just silence for days to see what the girl would do.
Most of the guys in my class fall under the nonchalant category, most of them may be lying to seem masculine but those who aren’t all blame it on upbringing or a relationship they had in first grade. What I noticed is that most of them don’t want to change, claiming its too hard or some things cant change. Which they can, I watched a video on the brain rewiring itself so it's safe to say it's possible, right?
I popped the question to a few girls in my class as well. Ev said she has a Lover boy despite the guy cheating on her and she still stayed with him but is very anxiously attached and doesn’t let the guy go anywhere without her, with fears that he will cheat, or leave and never come back. Another one, R, watched his boyfriend tell her that he has caught feelings for her friend, but he still loves her too and chose to stay with him, despite him actively pursuing the other girl.
My brother tells me the reason young girls stay with pathetic men is because they are afraid to be alone. As for me, I think its because we’re more emotional than rational and tend to hold on to an idea version of what we want the guy to be and spend the entire relationship trying to mold him to the versions we want them to be. Which brings me back to a post I did on limerence. I’m not sure that’s the only reason most girls in their 20s are obsessed with pathetic guys, but I’d love to hear what y’all have to say about this.
This post makes me feel like gossip girl because it was more of a gossip sesh. Found this lovely song, enjoy…
Wishing y’all a lovely week.
See you next time
Ciao